Marriage & Relationships: Advice to Succeed
With Valentine’s Day around the corner, it is the perfect time to think about how to bless your significant other. Whether it’s with flowers or chocolates and cards (or my personal favourite, some kid-free time to read) it is a great time of year to show your affection in the form of gifts.
However, we all know that whether you are dating or married, maintaining a healthy relationship takes more than just giving gifts once a year. It’s important to have a strong foundation and to always be open for improvement. To that end, we have asked different pastors and youth workers for their top relationship advice.
Your spouse doesn’t have to be your ‘everything’…that’s too great a burden to bear. You each get to be human and you’ll need people other than your spouse in your life.
Love your spouse not as you want to be loved but as they do. Personality differences mean that they may have different needs/wants when it comes to communication, schedule, everything! And it takes time to learn those differences. So be patient but also intentional about figuring out what makes each of you feel loved and supported. The lists may be very different for each of you. Every marriage looks a little different. So, by all means watch other marriages, but don’t expect yours to perfectly resemble any one marriage you see.
-Andrea Tisher from Southwest Community Church, Kamloops BC
Jordan and I can agree on one lesson that has been the most important for our relationship’s stability. Do not avoid conflict. Even if confrontation means that there might be a fight, don’t fear it. We can give all these tips on how to do conflict well, how to respect each other in an argument, and those are important, but the key is to not run from it. By all means, take a moment to cool down. Ask Holy Spirit to be present and guide the conversation. Just make sure you have the hard conversation sooner rather than later. If the two of you cannot find a resolution, find a counsellor, speak with a trusted friend or Pastor, ask for help. Great things happen in relationships when a conflict is worked through, but tension will always remain if it is ignored or forgotten. When we reconcile with each other, we imitate God’s relationship with creation. We were in conflict with God once sin entered this world, and Jesus came to defeat our enemy. Jesus willingly entered into conflict, into battle, to reconcile our relationship with the Triune God. That is our example for marriage; enter the conflict so relationship can be reconciled.
-Tash Ingram from Westview Baptist Church, Calgary AB
Relationship and Dating Advice:
For my wife and I, we have always adhered to the principle that if you put God first in your life, the rest will follow and fall in their proper places. This principle beautifully applies to marriages and to people who are dating. I have always preached to people who are dating to look for a person who has the “Fear of the Lord.” This is the fear that honours the Lord! A person who puts God first and has a healthy fear of the Lord will be convicted by the Holy Spirit to put away his or her pride and apologize if they are in the wrong.
-Clinton Legaspi from Filipino Evangelical Church, Winnipeg, MB
I wish Jordan and I had asked people to more boldly speak into our life and relationship. There was so much we figured out, but could have had a lot more peace if we had asked for support. We spent time with friends and family as a couple, but did not talk with those we trusted about what was hard. I wish we had prayed together more and asked more people to pray for us. In my reflections, I have realized that we isolated ourselves. Ask people to mentor you as you pursue dating relationships seriously, and don’t forget your friends. Trust Jesus and pray that the Holy Spirit would give you wisdom.
-Tash Ingram from Westview Baptist Church, Calgary AB
I would advise the couple to place God at the center of their relationship by intentionally setting a time to pray together. When praying together, they can both know God together, and discover who He is and His love for them. When they pray together they can also listen together, and this will help them know what God has in store for them. When they pray together they will get to know each other better. To quote Timothy Keller, “It is in prayer, you can see yourself for who you really are.” It is by praying together, they become truly vulnerable before God, and by doing so, the couple will be able to begin to truly know each other’s hearts.
Depending how far they are into their relationship, I would also advise them to talk about love languages, and learn about what the love languages are. Learn about how they feel loved, and how they can love each other. By establishing this early, this will get them to realize how they can fully communicate their love to each other effectively. It will help them in future for when they are married. I recommend Gary Chapman’s book, “The Five Love Languages: The Secret to love that lasts.”
-Jason Rahardjo from White Rock Baptist Church, Surrey, BC
Engaging in Mission Opportunity: Summer Camps
By Jenna Hanger
It’s hard to imagine there will be an end to the freezing cold temperatures we have been facing, but eventually winter will pass and summer will be here before you know it. With that in mind, it’s time to start thinking about summer camp opportunities, as registration has opened for many of the CBWC camps.
If you have been a camper or a staff member yourself, you will know what an amazing experience camp is for young people and how important this ministry is. As Executive Director of Keats Camps, Stan Carmody, says “Camps have the unique opportunity to build relationships, share the gospel and transform children and youth for the majority of their young lives, many of whom do not come from a Christian home or upbringing. For some people their decision to follow Christ began at a young age, and attending camp was not only the place a seed was planted, but it was also a safe place for them to ask questions, dive deeper and transform their lives. Camping Ministry within the CBWC has been changing lives for over 100 years!”
Carmody goes on to say there are many different opportunities for campers and staff at camp. Not only do they get to experience activities that they might never get the chance to do elsewhere, but camp gives young people the space and opportunity to grow in their independence, as they have choices they get to make for themselves (what to eat at meals, which activities they try, to change their clothes or not, etc.) This can be a vital step to help kids to maturity.
One of the main values the CBWC tries to promote in churches is Engaging In Mission. One way that churches can do this is by providing practical support for their local camps.
“There are many ways you can practically support your local camp. The obvious answer is through financially donating, but not everyone has that ability,” Carmody said. “Many camps are in need of strong and passionate board members; consider joining the board this year or in the near future. Many camps will have opportunities for your church and community to rent their facilities for weekend getaways. Consider taking advantage of retreats with your youth and young adults, men’s groups, women’s groups, or church leadership; having the ability to get away from the busyness of life and relax in a welcoming environment can be exactly what your community needs.”
Other suggestions include inviting your local camp to come speak and share what God is doing through camp and ministry and what their specific needs are, as well as looking into any leadership development programs the camp might have.
“Leadership development is a large part of why camping ministry exists,” said Carmody. “These programs are not only beneficial to those who attend, but they are also there to build up leaders to become future volunteers and staff the for the camp, the church and local communities.”
And of course, one of the biggest ways to support camps is by sending campers to fill beds and young people to help lead! Here is a list of all the CBWC camps. If you are wanting to sign up a camper, move quickly because they can fill up fast!
BLTS/Ascent Reunion Coming Soon!
There is power in telling stories, especially the stories of God’s goodness.
Ps 145:4 says “Let each generation tell its children of your mighty acts; let them proclaim your power.” We are excited to launch the new CBWC Gap Year Experience, Kurios, on the shoulders of our two previous gap year programs, BLTS and ASCENT.
All BLTS and ASCENT alumni are invited to a reunion May 22-24, 2020, where we will reconnect, tell stories, and hear about the CBWC’s new initiative. We are planning to honour those who taught, laugh at the good memories, visit the old facility, share pictures, and reflect on God’s goodness. And of course, in proper Baptist fashion, we shall share great meals together. There’s a good chance some puppets and handbells will make an appearance…
The schedule for the weekend includes an informal Friday evening reception with memorabilia and photo table, a Saturday brunch, and various options for Saturday afternoon including touring the old BLTS building, a choir rehearsal, and walks to My Favorite Ice Cream Shoppe!” Saturday evening there will be a banquet, with stories, alumni performances, and a chance to hear more about Kurios. On Sunday morning we encourage you to worship at the CBWC church you attended during your gap year.
All events will be held at Altadore Baptist Church, and hotel rooms are available nearby. All the details are available at www.cbwc.ca/reunion .
Please help spread the word to all BLTS/ASCENT Alumni!
A message from CBWC Executive Minister Rob Ogilvie
I’m very mindful this week of Pastor Arash and the congregations of the Emmanuel Iranian Churches in North Vancouver and Coquitlam. These communities have been rocked by the deaths of friends, family and loved ones in the Iranian/Canadian community after the shooting down of the Ukrainian jetliner on January 8th over Tehran. Would you please join with all our CBWC family in praying for these churches and all others who are mourning the loss of loved ones from this terrible tragedy.
Emmanuel Iranian Church held a special memorial service for the Ukrainian jetliner tragedy.
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Making Connections is the Monthly Newsletter of the CBWC.